I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
