broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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