Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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