David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
