"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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