i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
