I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
