Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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