everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
