remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
