I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
