At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
