Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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