my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
