Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
