dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
