is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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