OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We just shotgunned beers for America
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
