Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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