Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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