So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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