Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
