I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
