You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
