3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
