Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
