I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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