last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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