I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
