now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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