So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
