i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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