I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
