well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
