He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
