at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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