so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
