We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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