you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
