turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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