My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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