so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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