I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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