The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is classic penis vs brain.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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