I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
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He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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