Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
