You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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