I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
