I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
