I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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