my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
