you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
