For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
