i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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