I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
