pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
