he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
