Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
