don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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