I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
