How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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