so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize