Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
