hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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