so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
