I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
