I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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