I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
