I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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