Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
