look no pants
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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