she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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