I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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